Was It Worth It?

When I was about 8 1/2 months pregnant with Hart, I ask my friend, whose son had died when he was 16, what it feels like to lose a child.

She said, "I didn't know this kind of pain existed. It is bottomless. It is constant. This pain has no boundaries or limitations. It has no end."

I was quiet for a few minutes as I tried to work up the courage to ask the question I desperately needed the answer for, "Was it worth it? If you had to do it again, knowing you would only get 16 years, would you?"

"Absolutely, I would do it again if I only got one day."

Throughout Hart's life, I thought about this conversation often.
"Was it worth it? Absolutely, I would do it again if I only got one day," became sort of a mantra for me. I would repeat these words to myself as a way to refocus my thoughts when they began to spiral. This conversation brought me great comfort after he died and even today when I'm feeling especially lonely in my grief, I find great comfort in these words.