Disappointment

There are moments in the life of a parent, when everything is just smoothly swimming along. There is no drama, no heartache, no injury or illness. No highs or lows- everything is just fine. These moments are few and far between for our crew, and for the most part, totally under appreciated. That pesky need we have to interact with others stifles our ability to live in a happy bubble of kindness and perpetual affirmation. 

The thing is, for my moppets, over-reacting is just Tuesday night at The Cottage (evidently, being blessed with a flare for the dramatic is a dominate trait!)  But there are times when my children suffer from true disappointment, sadness, fear or despair. These moments, that penetrate their surface emotions and burrow into their souls, make my heart feel like it is in a vice. My ability to function is impaired. I am no longer rational, and cannot separate myself from the emotion in order to cull the facts. I am consumed by a need to fix it. Right the wrong. Explain how something was misconstrued, misunderstood, or just missed. I want to point out all the fabulous things about my child that somehow weren't recognize or appreciated. I am consumed by the need to explain the good intent that was behind the action that turned out badly. And sometimes, I am just overwhelmed by the desire to punch someone right in the face. (I know that's not nice, but I can't help it-don't make my babies sad!)

It is our job to protect our children, and when they get hurt, in any way, it feels as though we haven't fulfilled our obligation adequately. Their pain causes us anguish, not only because they are hurting, but because we didn't prevent the injury!

I know, disappointment is part of life, it's a learning experience-I get it! But knowing that, doesn't make it easier to take. It doesn't take the sting out. It doesn't make things just or right. And honestly, I have found that the more disappointments you face, does not, in any way, make it easier to deal with the next one. You can't develop a resistance to sadness. There's no way to build-up a tolerance to hurt. Having to deal with great sadness (the loss of a loved one, for example) most certainly puts things in perspective, but it doesn't make you immune from all the rest of life's set-backs.

During this time of year, when we honor the memory of baby Hart, experiencing "everyday" disappointments also puts a perspective on things. Even after unimaginable loss, we can still be hurt by "small" slights. It is extremely comforting to know that we are capable of feeling so blue over things that are completely trivial in comparison. I still cannot protect my children's hearts from being broken or bruised. There was a time when fretting over such things wasn't even a possibility. But now, it really stinks! Isn't that great!?!