I Am Raw and Vulnerable: Be Nice or Go Away

This is the tattoo I need to get...on my forehead!

They say that true character is revealed not by how you act when things are going well, but how you react when the bottom falls out. My bottom has fallen out, and I feel like most people who know me have seen my true character. At any rate, I’ve seldom been in a position to have to defend it, and it turns out, I am really bad at it.

I recently had someone question my character and my parenting. These two things define me, so it definitely cut me to my core. I know it wasn't really about me, but actually about their unwillingness to accept their own situation. Still it hurt, a lot.

During any other time of year, I would be hurt and rage-y over this, but during November I'm deflated. 

I know that no one's words can take away your character. I know that believing what is untrue does not make it true. I know that willful ignorance says nothing about me and everything about them, but still...my need to get through to them is overwhelming me.

We had a discussion, it made no difference to them, (of course) but it made me feel like a complete failure. How can you not convince someone who you are? How can someone be so unwilling to know the truth? How can someone question that your motivation is anything but love? Not that they made me doubt my character, parenting, or motivation, but I felt like I failed to persuade them and it has left me wilted.

The point is I just need people to leave the November me alone (for the record, the November me is actually all of November through mid-December). I can barely string a sentence together, let alone have a reasonable, thoughtful discussion about something with which I could not disagree with more.

Battles I’m fighting:                                       Battles I cannot fight:

Sending texts to the correct recipients           Anything else

Remembering to feed my family

Staying focused on ANYTHING 

Something pesky always seems to happen this time of year-my fragile time of year-I get sick (like blood infection sick), need surgery, or face some sort deeply emotional conflict. (Full disclosure, I'm not great at conflict any time of year.) I am vulnerable and raw and have realized some people are like sharks and can smell blood in the water. But seriously, can people please just save their ugly behavior for any other time of year? Or better yet, just keep it to themselves!